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Emmy’s Outtakes 4 & 5
Emmy Outtake #4 – The Bread Peen Sword Fight
“Attention!” Emmy cried, thumping down a huge wicker basket with several French loaves sticking out of it. “Today we will have a sword fight!”
Landon glanced askance at him. “With bread?”
“Not just with bread.” Emmy puffed out his chest and cackled. “This is a new invention for Emmy’s Match! Where alphas can wear bread sticks on their love hotdogs and wave them around. Banana muffin, show them!”
With a long-suffering sigh, Varrick unzipped his pants.
Murphy scrunched up his nose. Caulin shifted on his feet. “Do we really have to watch?”
“You don’t have to see his tentacle,” Emmy said generously. “Just wait ‘til he sticks it in his breadstick.”
“Sticks it in… the bread?” Otto—Caulin’s alpha—asked, his forehead wrinkling.
“Yes! You will all do this. These big ones are for you.” Emmy pulled out the long, thick loaves, each the size of an alpha’s arm. “I’ve cut off the end and hollowed it out a bit so you can put your tentacles in there. But you have to be hard or it won’t work.”
“I’m game,” Ingle—one of Landon’s alphas—said. He unzipped his pants, too.
Varrick was jerking himself off, a mixed expression on his face.
Emmy hurried over to him. “Are you having trouble with your tentacle, husband muffin?”
“Less now that you’re in front of me,” Varrick said wryly. “Those other faces don’t tickle my balls.”
Emmy grinned proudly. And Varrick got real hard, real fast when Emmy wrapped his hands around his cock.
“Now you’re ready!” Emmy grabbed one of the big loaves and slipped it over Varrick’s cock. Varrick adjusted his grip to hold the loaf—it now stood almost as high as his head. “There! Now you can begin a sword fight with another alpha!”
Varrick glanced at his friends, raising an eyebrow to see if anyone was up to the challenge.
“I’m there,” Ingle said, slipping a big loaf over his cock, too.
And now both he and Varrick were staring at each other, huge breadsticks clutched in their hands.
“Fight!” Emmy said. “With your breaddicks!”
Landon made a choking sound. Caulin groaned into his hands. Murphy glanced at his own alpha, Shaw.
“The rest of you are also supposed to do it,” Emmy said, waving at the remaining bread sticks on the table. There were smaller ones, about forearm-length, for the omegas. Emmy began handing out the smaller bread sticks to his friends. “Here. Get your cute urchin dicks out and into these.” He paused in front of Murphy, though, and added. “You can just eat the bread if you don’t wanna. We have PB and jam and also sliced beef.”
Murphy laughed softly, accepting the bread.
“I don’t suppose we need to wrap our cocks in sliced beef first,” Gardner—Landon’s other alpha—said.
Emmy gasped. “You should. That’s an amazing idea! It’ll make your breaddicks extra tasty!”
He hurried into the kitchen and pulled out the boxes of deli meat from the fridge, heading to Varrick first.
Varrick huffed, his mouth twitching. “Really, Dicky?”
Emmy grabbed four slices of deli meat and gestured for his husband muffin to pull off his bread stick. When Varrick did, Emmy carefully draped the meat around his cock. “Now you can stick your beefy meat into your bread stick!”
Varrick eased it back into his breadstick, and looked around. “Anyone wants a sword fight?”
Landon was helping Ingle with his deli meat breaddick. Otto looked torn, Gardner looked amused, and Shaw was raising his eyebrow at Murphy, the two of them having a silent conversation.
“Incoming,” Ingle said to Varrick. The two of them began a vicious breadstick sword fight with a lot of hollow-sounding thumps when their loaves smacked into each other.
Emmy jumped and cheered. “Yes! Beat him! Beat him with your breadstick!”
Varrick shot him a sideways look. “Really. That’s what you say to me?”
For his distraction, Varrick got jabbed in the face with Ingle’s bread-tip.
Gardner snorted. “All right. I’m in. Landon?”
Landon went to help Gardner prep, and Otto had Caulin help with his. Murphy went to Shaw; soon after, all the alphas wore breadsticks on their cocks, playfully smacking each other with their ridged, hard breadsticks.
“Oh, gods,” Landon whispered.
“We should take a picture,” Emmy said.
Caulin chewed his lip. “Usually I wouldn’t suggest it, but I feel like this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing.”
“Pictures,” Emmy said to all the alphas.
He got pictures: All of them in a row, holding up their breaddicks. All of them in a circle, breaddicks pointed toward the center. And another with them play-fighting, smacking each other around.
“The winner of the breaddick fight gets to take home more bread,” Emmy announced. “And lots of butt blessings!”
The alphas let Varrick win.
“This is enough bread for us for three weeks,” Gardner said as he and Ingle crossed their bread swords. “We really don’t need more.”
“I made garlic bread butt loaves too,” Emmy said. “You can each bring home one!”
“All right,” Otto said. “I’m not going to say no to garlic bread.”
“You should eat yours off Caulin’s bubble butt,” Emmy whispered loudly. Caulin groaned. “Then tell me if it needs improvements! It will all go on sale at Emmy’s Match.”
“I’m sure you could make some loaves that will actually fit into a garlic bread butt,” Landon said. “That will be a great… mating activity.”
Emmy gasped and turned to Varrick immediately. “Will you stick your breaddick into my garlic bread butt?”
“Of course,” Varrick said with a grin. “What position?”
Emmy’s heart swelled with love and happiness. “All the positions! We will make many garlic bread butt babies!”
“Yes, of course.” Varrick gathered Emmy close and dropped a kiss on top of his head. “Let’s get more buns in your oven.”
Outtake #5
“Banana muffin,” Emmy whispered. “Did you know? My book showed up in another universe.”
Varrick blinked sleepily, pillow crinkles pressed into his cheek. “‘Nother universe?”
“Yeah!” Emmy flipped open the paperback and held it in front of Varrick—a bit too close, so Varrick pulled his head back to squint at it. How to Hide Your Stolen Baby. “See? Here, the butlers of these guys, they all have a copy of 699 Pickup Lines!”
“All of them?” Varrick rubbed his eyes, then sat up and took the book from Emmy, beginning to read. “Huh. How did they even know about your book?”
“I don’t know!” Emmy squirmed under Varrick’s arm and tucked himself against Varrick’s side. “But,” he added in a hushed whisper, “They think Dicky Mems is a god.”
At that, Varrick grinned and kissed Emmy’s temple. “A god, huh? Looks like someone really appreciates those lines.”
Emmy had read them all to Varrick, too. Every single one.
“It’s weird,” Emmy said. “I got an email that said someone bought two hundred copies of it. All at once! It’s right about when this book was published. Maybe a bit earlier.” He poked the paperback Varrick was holding. “And the email never said who bought it.”
“Think those copies went to this universe?” Varrick shook the book.
“Maybe.” Emmy grinned and threw his hands into the air. “Dicky Mems is a god! They even made butt blessings in this book!”
“Looks like I’m going to have to sit down and read it properly,” Varrick said. “We should see if they made the butt blessings correctly.”
Emmy swooned. He’d already read it. They did make the blessings correctly. “Of course you should read it. Just in case.”
“Read it with me?” Varrick settled into their pillows to read, and Emmy laid his head on his alpha’s chest.
“You have to do the voices,” Emmy said.
“Of course,” Varrick answered, and flipped to Page One.
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